


A Second Life

by Blue_Night



Series: Silent Sounds [1]
Category: Stargate - All Series, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Deaf, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Gift of Life, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Recovery, Wraith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2643776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John goes on a mission and everything goes wrong. After waking up in the infirmary he has to face an unexpected truth and try to start anew. To his luck, he has Rodney at his side to help him getting through this...</p><p>This story is inspired by the wonderful fic 'Pegasus Non - Verbal' from igrab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Second Life

**Author's Note:**

> When I read the wonderful fic ' Pegasus Non - Verbal' this morning, the idea to this fic popped into my head and didn't leave me alone until I had written it.  
> Those of you who saw my other stories in AO3 probably know that I normally ship John/Todd or John/Cameron, but this fic wouldn't have worked with anyone else than Rodney. It's my first fic ever with John and Rodney as a couple and I really would like to get feedback from you.
> 
> Enjoy reading it and please, let me know if you liked it!
> 
> Dear Dulinneth, I cannot thank you enough for your incredible fast beta within one and half an hour!

The last thing John can think of before the explosion throws him through the air is that he should have listen to the bad feeling he had about this mission. The last thing he hears before the explosion throws him through the air is Rodney yelling: “Sheppard, watch out!” and then nothing but the deafening and overwhelming banging noise of the eruption next to him. He can feel himself flying through the air and when he hits the ground, everything goes dark.

When John wakes up again, he’s lying on a bed in the infirmary of Atlantis. He opens his eyes, watching Dr. Keller standing in front of the monitor next to his bed, talking to the nurse beside her. John sees them opening and closing their mouths, but all he can hear is a silent ringing in his ear. He doesn't freak out, because he knows this, he has experienced this before, after another explosion. Everything inside him hurts and this is much worse than the ringing and he opens his mouth to let Dr. Keller know that he's awake. He can't hear his voice, but somehow, he must have said something, or maybe, he just groaned, because the nurse and the blonde doctor turn their heads in his direction.

Jennifer smiles at him and bends down to him, opening her mouth again, but he only sees the movements and hears nothing. He frowns and blinks, feeling dizzy and the pain is getting even worse and so he's relieved when Dr. Keller takes a syringe, injecting him with some medicine that makes him sleepy and dazed. He closes his eyes again and gladly lets unconsciousness overcome him.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

The next time he wakes up, he's still lying in an infirmary bed, but not in Atlantis any longer, but in the infirmary of the SGC in the Cheyenne Mountain Complex. He slowly turns his head to look around and sees the monitor standing on a small table beside his bed. He can see the curves wandering over the screen, but he can't hear the silent 'beeps' that should come and go with the curves. He stares at the screen, trying to hear the beep by his sheer willpower, but there's nothing but the silent ringing in his ear. He swallows, as realization slowly sinks in. He has no clue how he got here and how much time has passed since the explosion, but lying in the infirmary of the SGC instead of Atlantis is always a bad sign.

John jerks, startled, when he feels a soft touch at his arm and turns his head into the opposite direction. Rodney is sitting on a chair next to his bed, watching him, trying to smile when he feels John's questioning eyes upon his face. Rodney doesn't need to speak, he doesn't need to open his mouth, John can see it on his face, in his eyes. Rodney strokes his arm in a calming gesture and raises something. John looks at it and sees a small notepad with Rodney's handwriting upon it.

 _'You're deaf.'_ He reads. _'The explosion destroyed both of your inner ears. You were badly hurt and have been unconscious for two weeks, but they could fix it all - except for your ears.'_

For one moment, he hates Rodney. He hates him, because Rodney didn't wait to 'tell' him the bad news, but told him that he will never be able to hear again right after he had woken up instead. Rodney just looks at him, calm and understandingly; and John's anger fades, because he knows that Rodney has done the right thing. John hates to be lied to. He always wants to know the truth and Rodney knew that after so many years of working together and being best friends that he has done what John wanted. He looks at his friend and tries to smile, although all he wants to do right now is yell and shout and hear something – anything apart from the ringing in his ear. Rodney smiles back and presses John's hand in silent understanding. He still presses it and waits when John turns his head to the other side, squeezing his eyes shut to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. He just sits there, holding John's hand and the last thing John feels before he falls asleep is Rodney holding his hand and gently pressing it.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

During the next days, John learns that Rodney stayed by his side every minute of the two weeks while he was unconscious, except to take a shower or visit the restroom from time to time. He ate next to his bed and he slept next to his bed. He told Dr. Lam that he would be the one to tell John the truth, he himself and no one else.

John also learns that they brought him back to Earth to implant a special prosthesis into his ears, called 'cochlear implants'. It 'replaces' the destroyed inner cells of his cochlear and even though it won't be the hearing he knows, he will regain some parts of his hearing and John doesn't care if it will be different or unknown, he will go through everything he needs to, because all he can think of is being able to go back to Atlantis and do his job again and this will only happen when he can 'hear' again.

The next two weeks go by with endless tests. Dr. Lam and Carson, who came to take care of him personally when he heard what happened to John, check him at least ten times a day and the specialist they called to implant the prosthesis makes his own tests and asks him questions until all John wants to do is scream again. He once tried to scream and shout, but he went silent when he saw Rodney pressing his hands against his ears, staring at him, frightened and with genuine concern, because he still couldn't hear a single sound, although his throat was sore and hurt from his screams. John doesn't speak any more, he uses Rodney's notepads to communicate with the doctors and the nurses.

He doesn't use it oftentimes when he's alone with his friend, because he has no problems understanding what Rodney tells him. He can see it in Rodney's face and he can feel it when he touches him and if Rodney speaks, he always makes sure that John can see his mouth. John starts to read from his lips and from his hands when Rodney gestures with them and he begins to talk again, watching Rodney's reactions intently. He can't hear what he says, but he sees if Rodney is able to understand him or not. John doesn't talk to the doctors and the nurses, only to Rodney and when Rodney smiles at him, happily and excitedly, then he knows that he didn't lose the ability to form the right words, at least not until now. Then, he finds himself smiling back, feeling the slight hope that he will be able to win back his old life someday.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

After these two weeks, Dr. Lam and Carson decide that he has recovered enough for the surgery and the last thing John sees before the anesthesia knocks him out is Rodney waving at him from the doorway to the operating room.

The next waking up is awful, the room is spinning around him as he tries to open his eyes and he finds himself bending forward and throwing up into the bucket Rodney holds for him before he has even realized what has happened to him.

Rodney stays by his side until he has recovered from the surgery, but he needs to go back to Atlantis when the long process of regaining his hearing will start. The specialist, Dr. Fuller, told John that they will have to wait for another six weeks until the fresh wounds are healed, before they can start adjusting the implant and the rehabilitation. He told him that he has to learn to hear again, slowly and that he also needs some training to learn the new sounds and especially how it sounds when others speak to him. John agreed to visit a psychologist as well, because General O'Neill who has visited him several times told him that the IOA was searching for a way to replace him and that the only thing that kept them from doing so until now is that he's the one with the strongest ATA-gene. It seems that Atlantis is missing him, because the city doesn't react to anybody else the way she reacts to him and John is even more determined to do what he has to do to go back to his city, no matter the cost.

And so he stands in the Gate-room, waving at Rodney, promising him that he will come after him soon, before he turns around and goes back to the infirmary, his face grim and his hands curled into tight fists. He will hear again and he will go back to Atlantis again, he knows that for sure.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------

 

After three months, John steps through the wormhole with only a small backpack, because all of his stuff is still in his quarters in Atlantis waiting for him. He looks around and smiles at the people standing in the Gateroom, applauding as they see him appear through the event horizon. Teyla comes and hugs him, then Ronon, a little bit clumsy and Mr. Woolsey comes and shakes his hand. John watches them looking at him, trying to avoid looking at the sides of his head where the visible signs of his implants are placed. His hair has grown over the scars and all one can see are the small magnetic coils and the microphones over his earlobe, but they all know that these things are there and they try hard to act as if they were not.

At first, there is an awkward silence, but then, all of his friends begin to speak at once and John frowns and tries to listen to them, until Rodney cuts them up with an impatient gesture of his hand. “Not all of you at once, please! One after the other, its called politeness!” he tells them off and John instinctively moves closer to him.

John has had a hard time learning to hear again and the way the implants make sounds audible is far from what he remembered. Everything sounds a little bit squeaky and flat and at first, all people talking to him sounded like Micky Mouse, squeaky and strange. Everyone except for Rodney, who visited him during the three months as often as he could. John still can hear Rodney's voice in his head, the way it sounded before he became deaf from the explosion and when he heard Rodney talk to him for the first time when he had the implant, John almost had wanted to cry, because Rodney was still – Rodney.

Now, he stands close to his friend and teammate, finally back in 'his city' knowing that he's not alone. Rodney is there and will help him get through this and that's all that matters to John right now.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

The weeks slowly pass by and John learns that he's not the only one who has to learn that nothing is as it was before the mission went wrong and he had to start anew.

His people have to learn that they have to treat him in a different way than they did as much as he has to learn to accept that they will treat him in another kind of way. There are a lot of small things that have changed. They may be small, but they are important and disturbing nonetheless.

Ronon for example is used to yelling after him when he's taking a run. But, that doesn't work any longer. At first, Ronon gets annoyed, because he thinks that John just didn't bother to stop. John gets annoyed, because he has no clue why Ronon is angry with him. They stand in the corridor before the cafeteria, arguing, until Rodney comes and explain to Ronon that he has to run after John and talk to him face to face, because the implant might be a some what good replacement, but that's just what it is – a replacement, nothing more. Ronon growls, embarrassed, mumbling something unintelligible, but he shrugs his shoulders and nods.

Ronon is not the only one and John always gets a fright if someone suddenly touches his back or his arm, turning around and grabbing unconsciously for his weapon. Because of that, people start to avoid getting too close to him, sometimes, making sure that he sees them before they come closer.

Some of his underlings seem to think that he has become dense instead of deaf and behave as if he was stupid, trying to interpret the strict military rules to their own advantage and thinking that he won't notice it because of his impaired hearing. But, John isn't stupid at all, and he's also not deaf any longer, at least not if he wears his implants and so he teaches them that he's still an extraordinary colonel of the USAF. To his luck, Major Lorne and Mr. Woolsey stand behind him and so, he's able to put his underlings in their places again.

But time goes by and they all get used to it, slowly, but obviously. John starts to learn how to use his other senses and soon, he is able to see the shadows from people coming after him on the walls or smell their perfumes, after shaves or their bodily scent. He learns to 'feel' the presence of other people before he can see or hear them and he learns to react to their voices, even though the voices are still squeaky and strange.

He avoids eating in the cafeteria, most of the times eating his meals in Rodney's lab or his office, because he still feels uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people, all of them talking and laughing and shouting. He can't hear their voices properly, only loud noise and it always gives him a bad headache. Rodney seems to be fine with that, though, because it gives him the excuse to stay in his lab and work while they eat their meal in companionable silence.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

After three more months, Mr. Woolsey allows him to go on an off-world-mission again. It's nothing dangerous or very important, the people living on the planet are true allies and they only go there to fix another trade, but John is ridiculously happy that he's back at work again. To his surprise, the friendly people living on the planet have far less problems with his disability, they just talk slower and gesture more with their hands, but they treat him the way they always treated him before he lost his hearing.

There are more and more good days now when John is able to pretend that everything's fine and almost as it had once been, but there are bad days, oftentimes, as well.

It's one of these days when John stands before the mirror in his quarters, staring at his mirror-face. His hair is back to his usual length and the coils and the microphones are almost covered by it, but all he can see is the picture he saw when he looked in the mirror for the first time after the surgery. His hair was shaved, the skin shining through, swollen and red with the scars over his ears clear to see. Suddenly, he gets annoyed, ripping the coils and microphones from his head, throwing them upon the table and grabbing the processor from out of his pocket, switching it off and throwing it next to the other things of his implants. Now, he can't hear anything except for the silent ringing in his ear.

He slumps down on the floor, scratching along the wall, curling himself up into a small ball. John doesn't know how long he has stayed in this position when someone sits down beside him, taking him in his arms. He doesn't need to look up to know that it's Rodney, he can smell it by the familiar and comforting scent and feel it by the body gently pressing against his own. Rodney doesn't try to talk to him, just holds him, rocking him gently. When he finally looks up, Rodney's face is very close to his own.

They look each other in the eyes and then, Rodney kisses him. John freezes, startled, because he doesn't want to be kissed because Rodney feels pity for him, but Rodney is 'talking' to him with his lips, telling him that he’s not kissing him because he feels pity for him, but because he wants him. Rodney's soft lips are nibbling, stroking and pressing, tenderly and passionately and John can feel his longing and his deep feelings for him. John closes his eyes and kisses his friend back, with all of his own wanting and longing and soon, their tongues meet, playing with each other and telling one another how much they care without words.

Rodney pulls him up and they stumble to his small bed, undressing and caressing, stroking and kissing all the while. John always knew that Rodney was very good in expressing what he wanted to say without having to use spoken words; and after becoming deaf, Rodney was always the one person he felt comfortable with, because he always managed to explain himself to John in so many different ways, but John didn't know until now, how much one can say without words.

They make love to each other in complete silence, except for a few silent sounds of pleasure, small gasps and moans John cannot hear, but see when Rodney moves his lips, but there are no words or sounds needed.

Darkness has fallen over Atlantis, but John can still see Rodney's face, his passion and longing, the lust John's caresses arouse in him, he can smell him and feel him, his warm smooth skin, flushed with desire, the tickling of Rodney's fur as they move against each other and the warm puffs of air close to his neck as John thrusts into him in a slow and steady pace. He can feel the sweat making their skin slippery and Rodney's rock-hard manhood rubbing against his belly and he feels Rodney's fingers digging into his back as they finally come together, savoring their pleasure to the fullest.

Rodney's lips upon his face tell him how much he wants him and when it's over and they both lie there, panting and deeply satisfied, Rodney turns around, caressing his face and looking him deep in his eyes. He moves his lips and John doesn't need to hear the words to know that Rodney says: “I love you, John.” He also doesn't need to hear his own voice as he answers and says: “I love you, too, Rodney.” All he needs is to see the smile on Rodney's face to know that he has done it right.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

From this night on, John's well-being is improving. The IOA still threatens from time to time to replace him, but, General O'Neill, Mr. Woolsey and Major Lorne stand behind him without hesitation and when Rodney threatens to leave the Ancient's city and go with John, the heads of the IOA stop arguing.

One year passes by and John slowly gets used to his changed hearing. He goes on missions again and when there's something he can't do, then he knows that Major Lorne will do it for him without any question.

The first anniversary of his new life has passed when they get a message from Todd, the ancient Wraith Commander they dealt with oftentimes ago, wanting John and his team to come with him and explore an ancient Wraith-facility with him. John hasn’t heard from him since his injury, but Todd can be called an ally now and Mr. Woolsey thinks that this facility can be important enough to be explored. It's the first time since the mission that took away his hearing that he’s going on such an important mission, but, he's determined to accompany his team and especially Rodney.

They are together now and John is happier than he has ever been in his entire life before, because being with Rodney is the best thing that could have happened to him and if he had to become deaf to be together with the love of his life, than he is willing to accept his handicap.

At nights, when they lie close to each other in John or Rodney's bed, enjoying the warm afterglow of their love-making, then John doesn't feel impaired, at all. Rodney speaks to him with his lips and his hands, telling him what John needs to know with his wonderful eyes and his expressive face and John knows that Rodney wouldn't love him more if he was still unimpaired. John pushes these thoughts back into a hidden corner of his mind, focusing on their mission instead. Rodney smiles at him and so does Teyla, while Ronon pats his back in his usual 'buddy-manner' and John grins at him, knowing that his teammates have made their peace with their 'new' teamleader.

They arrive on the planet and when they look around, Todd comes out of his cover behind several thick bushes, crossing the small clearing in a casual way, almost strolling towards them. He tilts his head to the side, watching John intently, not letting himself be fooled by John's crooked grin.

“Ah, Sheppard, I heard rumors about your hearing loss, but I wasn't sure if the rumors were right,” he says, considering him. Ronon scowls at the Wraith, but Todd ignores him and suddenly, John can 'hear' him in his head.

 _'If you agree, John Sheppard, than I will connect slightly with your mind. You will be able to hear through my ears,'_ he suggests and John blinks, because he hasn't expected that. _'I don't want to spy on you, John Sheppard, I just want to make sure that you will hear as much as we do.'_

John looks at Rodney and Rodney nods his head, as if he had sensed what Todd said. John looks back at the ancient Commander and grunts a short agreement. Todd seems to be content and turns around, waving at the two officers and four drones he brought with him, making his way to the facility through the wilderness. John waves at his team and follows the Wraith feeling as his former self again for the first time within one year. He can smell the scents of their surroundings, he can see the little animals rushing through the grass and he can hear the silent sounds of the forest through Todd's ears. At the beginning, it's a little bit confusing, because he is wearing his implants and has to match the sounds he can hear with them with the sounds he hears through the Wraith's ears, but he simply enjoys the fact that for a few hours, he will be as 'normal' as his friends and teammates.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

They have explored most of the facility when a group of hostile Genii show up, attacking them the minute they see John and his team. They shoot and fight and John can hear the noise of the stunners and weapons and the yelled orders of the Genii and his own team. He turns around when he notices someone behind his back and shoots, but the Genii shoots as well and something beside him explodes and crushes him. The last thing John can hear is Rodney shouting: “John, watch out!” before everything goes dark again.

When John wakes up, he is lying on the ground of the clearing near the Gate and he can see Todd's face looming over him, as the Wraith slowly draws his feeding hand back from his chest, watching him, musing and intently. John blinks, confused, because something isn't as it was before the crash. He frowns, when he realize that he can hear again. Not through Todd's ears and not through his implants, because he hears the voices from his teammates as he remembers them from before he became deaf. He can hear the silent sounds of the wilderness and he can hear his own heavy breathing.

“What happened?” he croaks out and he flinches when he hears his own voice for the first time in more than one year.

Todd considers him, his face impassive. “A wall of the facility fell over you. You were injured and I gave you the Gift of Life to heal you, John Sheppard. It seems that I was able to heal your right inner ear, as well, although so much time had passed since you became deaf. I couldn't heal your left ear, it's too damaged, but, at least you're able to hear again with your right ear,” the ancient Commander explains, his voice almost gentle.

John stares at him, stunned and speechless. He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns his head. Rodney is kneeling beside him and John can see that he has to fight against his tears. He smiles at Rodney with trembling lips and searches for his hand before he looks at Todd again.

“Thank you,” he only manages to say, but it seems to be enough, because Todd nods his head, rising to his feet.

“The facility was destroyed, we barely managed to get out of it before the walls fell down, but, I'm sure that we will see each other again soon, John Sheppard,” he states and John gets up to his feet, too. "Yes, Todd, I think that, too," he answers and his gratefulness about what Todd has done for him is clear to hear in his husky voice. Todd smiles briefly at him before he turns around and John smiles back, sincerely and honestly.

He feels well and strong because of the Gift of Life, but also dizzy because of his new hearing. Everything seems to be louder than he remembers it and it's odd to hear with the right ear, but not with the left. The implant probably was destroyed by the crash, but John doesn't care, because it can be replaced or repaired.

John watches Todd go to the Gate with his crewmen and when Rodney steps beside him, he takes his hand and squeezes it. Rodney smiles at him and returns the gentle pressure, before he watches the Wraith disappear through the wormhole.

John smiles, dwelling in the feeling of Rodney's calloused hand holding his own hand and the sounds he can hear. He knows that he's still severely impaired and that he still will have problems having only one ear that works, properly again, but he doesn't care. He knows that he still has to wear his left implant for being able to do his job as the military leader of Atlantis and he knows that he will have a hard time to learn how to match the hearing through his implant with his natural hearing of the right side, but he also knows that Rodney will be there and help him as he is always there for him, no matter what will happen.

During the last year, he has learned to rely on his other senses and to go on without his hearing and to have one of his ears back is more than he could have imagined only a few hours ago. He's looking forward to talking to his friends again and most of all to hear Rodney's voice when Rodney tells him that he loves him.

As long as Rodney is by his side and loves him, everything will be all right.


End file.
